For the past few years, the term “toxic masculinity” has been thrown around in the media. But what about toxic femininity? That’s right, it really does exist! Women make just as many mistakes as men when it comes to asserting our womanhood. Here are a few examples of toxic femininity, and how to stop this behavior in its tracks.
This Article is All About Examples of Toxic Femininity, and How You Can Stop it in its Tracks
10. Believing There is a “Right” Way to be Feminine
One of the most toxic things that women do to themselves is that they believe that there is a “correct” way to be feminine. Sometimes we’re forced to believe that a “feminine” woman must wear makeup, beautiful clothes, and perfume. However, that’s simply not true. That’s just your garden variety toxic femininity. Both men and women are guilty of believing this. Whether we realize it or not, we’re conditioned to believe in this form of femininity based on what we see in the media.
The only way we can fix this is by trying to change our mindset. True femininity comes from within. You could be walking around without makeup on and still be feminine. Femininity is more of an essence, rather than your body or how you outwardly present to others.
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9. Saying “Yes” Too Often
Something that a lot of women do is that they say “yes” to things they would actually rather not do. We’re conditioned to believe that we need to smile and say “yes” to doing these things if we want to be well-liked. This can often drain away our energy until there is nothing left.
The way you can fix this is by standing up for yourself, and being honest about your interests. If you don’t want to do something, you can say “I can’t do this right now, but maybe later.”
8. Not Having Boundaries
Something that women struggle with is not having boundaries. We are raised to be giving, nurturing people that are always doing things for others. This leads to us doing things that we might not feel like doing. It’s often toxic that we can’t say “no” and put our foot down when it comes to distancing ourselves from things that we don’t like to do.
Another big issue with boundaries is that we allow friends and family to vent to us. We take on the problems of others, even if it means it is at our expense. This can lead to anxiety and depression, especially if you’re an empath. The only way to fix this is by starting to practice healthy boundaries. Instead of dropping everything to listen to a friend, you could say “I’m not ready to hear this right now, but I can talk at 8PM.” Something as simple as that can really help save your mental space.
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7. Competing in the Workplace
When I had an office job, women were constantly fighting with one another. There were cliques, and if you didn’t fit into the pre-established club, it was nearly impossible to make friends. This was especially true of the older women. As a younger woman in the office, I was immediately labeled as competition. This leads to catty behavior, rumors, and lies. It was the definition of toxic femininity. Maybe it was funny in The Office, but when it’s happening in real life, it really sucks.
Years ago, it was only common for one or two women to work at a company, especially in a male-dominated society. So I assume that these women have the mindset that there can only be a handful of females in the office. Remember that everyone at the company holds value. You have your own experiences to bring to the table, and so does the new girl. Instead of trying to act like competition, consider becoming a mentor instead.
6. Telling Other Women How to Be a “Good” Mother
One of the absolute worst things that women do to each other is fighting over what it means to be a good mom. Whether it’s a conversation about breastfeeding, vaccines, or homeschooling, moms seem to find some reason to fight and disagree with one another.
This has toxic femininity written all over it. Remember that there is no “perfect” way to be a mother. And everyone makes mistakes. So there is no reason to shame another mother for their actions, especially when you don’t know the whole story. It’s easy to point fingers and talk bad about someone, especially when it’s through a computer screen. But just remember that it you don’t want to be judged, you should avoid judging others.
5. Assuming You Or Others Will Get Overwhelmed
For centuries, there has been a stereotype that women get overwhelmed too easily. While it might be true that some of us suffer from anxiety disorders, not everyone does. So whether you suffer from an anxiety disorder or not, don’t assume that everyone else does. Toxic femininity has a lot to do with assuming that fellow women are going to get overwhelmed with too much work.
Allow the other person to express their own boundaries to you. Don’t withdraw or withhold opportunities from them simply because you think they can’t handle it. That person might surprise you with what they can handle. And if they tell you that they would get overwhelmed, don’t pat yourself on the back too quickly. Remember that every woman is different, and they might be willing to take on more work than you can imagine.
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4. Playing the Victim
Something that’s all too common with toxic femininity is when women play the victim card. While it’s true that we are victims of discrimination, that’s not always the case. For example, if you didn’t get a job, it could genuinely be that you weren’t a good fit. It might have nothing to do with the fact that you were a woman. Sometimes, this mindset happens so often that we have conditioned ourselves to always being the victim.
The more we play the victim, the more we put ourselves into the box of becoming one. And once we’re a victim, we need to be saved. So if you find yourself constantly pushing blame onto others, take a step back. Is this situation really out of your control? Or is it a problem you can do something about?
3. Assuming Others Can Read Your Mind
On the surface, this one seems silly. Of course people can’t read minds! And yet women do this all the time. They get angry at their husbands and boyfriends, because he didn’t do what she expected him to. When you talk to them about the issues, they say, “Well he should just know that makes me angry.”
How do you expect your husband or boyfriend to know how you feel without telling them first? The solution to this one is simple. Remember that people can’t read your mind. You can’t assume that someone else is supposed to pick up on your hints, no matter how obvious they may be. It doesn’t matter how close they are to you, or how many years they’ve known you. It’s always best to be up-front, especially when it comes to an issue you can work on as a couple.
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2. Looking For Someone or Something to Rescue You
When something goes wrong in our lives, many of us decide to look for someone outside of ourselves to fix the problem. It’s like the old fairy tale story of the “damsel in distress”. Maybe you were even raised by your parents to believe that you shouldn’t worry yourself over the more difficult aspects of life.
The way to fix this issue is to work on being strong within ourselves. Don’t seek validation from others, but try to love yourself instead. This process takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. But if you’re willing to work on it, you might be surprised at what you can accomplish.
1. Trying to One-Up One Another When it Comes to Pain
Women have to go through a lot of painful things….Especially child birth. But for some reason, women tend to compete with each other when it comes to how much pain they went through. Some women even say that a C-section is the “easy way out”, or they brag about going through birth without getting an epidural. When you think about it, this is really silly, and toxic.
If this sounds like you, remind yourself that everyone has a different pain threshold. What is bearable pain for you might be completely unbearable and terrifying for someone else. There is no shame in avoiding pain. And no one is giving you a gold star for going through something more painful than the other person.
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